How to set a Guinness World Record in 45,425 painful steps

I don't know ANYONE who didn't grow up fascinated with the Guinness World Records! The dude with the longest fingernails? The lady with the crazy long hair! The tallest man or even the guy who had the World Record for THE MOST WORLD RECORDS! I for one loved it and thought often throughout my childhood "what could I do to get in that book?" I remember searching through the book as a youngster, scanning for potentially "breakable records" and eying up "The Longest Distance Ever Crawled By a Human" as a potential candidate haha. However I was young, and 56km on your hands and knees was not in the cards! I didn't even try!

How to never offend anyone ever online...EVER!!!

***spoiler's not possible!! so HERE's what to do when you DO offend the internet!